Consent
What is Consent?
- Consent to have sex is when both people agree to have sex. But it's not just allowing something, or giving permission - it's knowing that you BOTH really want and desire each other.
- Consent should be mutual, voluntary, sober, wanted, enthusiastic, creative and sexy!
- Consent should never be coerced, implied or assumed, even if you're in a relationship. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean that you always have consent to have sex with your partner.
- Consent can be given and withdrawn at any point – and it’s important to respect someone's boundaries when this happens.
- Consent must be talked about and agreed upon; if you want to move to the next level of sexual intimacy – you have to ask!
- Consent cannot legally be given by someone who is intoxicated. Someone may be responsible for being drunk, or high, but they are never responsible for being assaulted.
- If you do not ask for consent, you are at risk of doing something the other person doesn't want you to do. You might disrespect and hurt someone. You are also at risk of breaking the law and facing criminal charges.
- Touching someone's - breasts, genitals or buttocks - without consent is sexual assault. So is making someone touch you. Any form of sexual activity with another person without her or his consent is sexual assault. If you don't have consent then you are putting yourself and your partner at incredible risk!
What is NOT consent?
- Silence, or not responding, IS NOT CONSENT. When someone says "Yes", because they feel pressured, or are afraid of how their partner might react to a "No" response, it is NOT consent.
- "I'm not sure if I'm ready." "I don't know if I want to." "I think I've had too much to drink." "I don't want to get AIDS." "I'm scared." - All these statements mean "No".
- Sometimes, we think we mean one thing when we are saying something else. You must always be clear when asking for or giving consent – and respect whatever answer
Here are two examples that are not asking for consent for sex:
"Do you want to go back to my place?"
(The question only asks for consent to go back to your place – and nothing else)
"Should we get it on?"
(The question is unclear as to exactly what activity is intended).
Why is consent sexy?
- Sex is always sexiest when BOTH partners desire it - without any feelings of pressure, intimidation or fear.
- When you are asked for consent it shows your partner respects you, cares how you feel, cares about what you want - and that's sexy. Giving your partner consent shows you want them as much as they wants you - and that's sexy!
- Consent is about confident, open, real communication. And, respecting boundaries. The practice of consent will naturally create a more caring, more responsive, respectful love life for you both - and that is always sexy!
How to make consent sexy:
Consent is really about communication. It starts with getting to know each other. Start by building a connection based on your common interests, rather than sex. Be clear that you want to get to know the person – and then do just that. If there is a sexual attraction between you, then talking about sex will naturally flow out of this conversation.Important questions to ask:
- How important is sex in a relationship?
- When should you become sexually active in a relationship?
- What do you want, what are you looking for, sexually?
- What turns you on?
- What turns you off?
- What are your limits?
- How fast or slow do you want to go?
- How to plan to protect each other against HIV, STId, and unplanned pregnancy?
Talking about questions like these can be fun and interesting. And, can tell you a lot about whether you are both sexually compatible. It is much better to know this before you begin a sexual relationship!
Source: Consent Is Sexy
http://www.consentissexy.org/index.php
